President Obama’s Top 7 Shoes For Kicking Ass

“And I don’t sit around just talking to experts because this is a college seminar; we talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers, so I know whose ass to kick,” – President Barack Obama

After 60 days of BP pumping oil into the Gulf of Mexico (which has now officially surpassed Exxon as worst environmental disaster in American history) it appears that President Barack Obama is ready for answers.

So, the question remains, if our President is going to harness his inner Chuck Norris for a serious big oil ass kicking, what shoes will he be wearing?

Here are, what I believe are, his top 7 shoe picks:

1. Ariat Rambler Boots
   Talk about Ass Kicking, when your taking on one of the largest oil companies in the world, you want to be wearing this love child of John Wayne and Mad Max on your feet. The pre-worn look of these boots will match perfectly with the President’s favorite pair of navy or gray slacks. And with 100,000 gallons of oil washing ashore, you will never have to worry about oiling the full-grain leather and broad, square-toe while walking on the coast. BP had bring a hat that holds more than 10 gallons.
2. Donald J. Pliner Jador Loafer
   Who says you can’t be trendy while kicking ass. President Obama will look smooth and sophisticated in these professional, Italian made, dress loafers from Donald J Pliner. If the President finds his shoe stuck somewhere unpleasant, the wide leather stitching and elastic goring at sides make this loafer as easy to slip-on as to slip-off (and easily cleaned). The distressed leather upper and outsole rubber pads also provide enhanced traction when walking on slick, let’s say oily, surfaces.
3. Stacy Adams Men’s Genesee
   Every professional needs a touch of 1930s in their wardrobe. President Obama can travel the world in style wearing these square toe Stacy Adams Genesse oxfords. Don’t worry PETA, the crocodile used to make the embossed leather upper, recently died of natural causes along the gulf of Mexico. And like Agent Eliot Ness, President Obama will be cleaning up the fire-water from our great nation in these sleek, four eyelet lace-up, oxford wingtips.
4. Allen Edmonds Boston
   High class, kicking ass with smooth black leather and a monk strap. Looks like somebody will fit right in during BP’s Tea and Crumpet time. A modern style allows for a sophisticated look when worn with the dark wash denim our President loves so much. There is no metal shank in these classic dress shoes which enhances their comfort and allows for easier travel through airport security. The only uncomfortable shanks President Obama will encounter are those found in BPs brainstorming sessions. (…a smaller dome… Sorry, another swing and a miss, Sir Richard Cranium).
5. Kamik Men’s Icebreaker
   This 100% waterproof molded boot is perfect for wading through tar like substances. Kicking ass is no easy job and you are sure to work up a sweat. This boot offers a removable Zylex Performance 3-ply polypropylene liner to wick away perspiration. On top of being the practical choice, these boots will keep our President’s feet warm and dry. Molded Rubber outsole provides the type of traction guaranteed to keep President Obama securely standing on the decks of those once employed fishing vessels.
6. Itasca Steel Toe Boots
   These heavy-duty Force 10 boots by Itasca, ain’t your momma’s work boots. With full-grain leather uppers, padded tongue, permanent padded insole, and moisture wicking technology, President Obama will enjoy all the features he needs to stay comfortable on the job. He should get a pair of these while they are still affordable, as the durable rubber outsole, is crafted by petroleum based tire company, Goodyear. These ultra comfortable work boots are selling faster than oil through a broken undersea well.
7. Earth Vapor-K Walking Shoes
   Unlike our British friends, President Obama takes care of our environment, one step at a time in these Earth Vapor-K Walking Shoes. Earth Walking Shoes correct your posture and burn calories with each step (imagine how many calories he will burn kicking ass). But don’t let all the Green and Granola fool you, this athletic-inspired oxford walking shoe offers a padded collar that supports your ankle with Negative Heel Technology®. The weight redistribution helps the President tone and strengthen his lower body as he saunters towards victory.

Good luck Mr. President; may your feet be swift and your reach be mighty!